So American: Betting the Ranch on Relationships

 

As is well-known, many tarot readings focus on relationships. Sure, there are the romantic kind. But there also are the close friendships and even the interactions with co-workers and neighbors.

Research at the end of the 1990s in Italy has proved out that we humans are social. That is based on mirror neurons. Those elicit empathy or our ability to loop into the feelings of other humans.

Yes, we affect each other cell by cell. That explains the phenomenon of the nurses on the same ward all getting pregnant around the same time, living with an obese person can "make us" fat and moods are contagious. It's posited that damage to the mirror neurons can be the cause of conditions such as autism which impair social functioning.

However, though we are social beings we don't have to bet the ranch on relationships. They're an important part of life. But only a part. 

What so many observers of early American society, such as novelist Henry James, noted is that this new land, compared to Europe, is essentially obsessed with being social. Gladhanding, it's even called. That ethos prevailed. Sticky is the assumption that if you're not continually in social contexts something is wrong with you. Society could intervene. 

The reality is that being embedded in the social can be not only exhausting - interaction consumes plenty of energy. It also can be heart-breaking. 

Lovers leave. 

Best friends outgrow us or even pass on confidential information. 

Co-workers are really competitors, not buddies but we have to pretend we're all one big happy family. Incidentally, networking is about horse trading, not friendship. Have nothing to trade, as when you're unemployed? The network will be less welcoming. 

Much of higher education is graded on the curve. Schooling is really a competitive arena for grades and the goodies they will bring such as plum job at law firms Paul Weiss or Simpson, an internship on Wall Street at the Bank of America or a fellowship to study in England. 

Recently you probably have been hearing a lot about self care. In a sense self care boils down to getting the hang of assessing how much space in your lives you want relationships to have. That means insulation against the pressure to be more involved with others than you want or can handle.

Actually the role of much of religion is to create the epiphany that Jesus has our backs. Whatever happens we can turn it over to Jesus. That belief can get us through the various disappointments with our fellow man, as well as life in general. It's the basis for the effective approach of Alcoholics Anonymous in putting the fatal disease of alcoholism into remission. Several of the steps of that program are about "turning it over" to a higher power.

Takeaway: You don't have to be all-that-social. 

Thriving in difficult times starts from the inside.

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