This Isn't About You: The 7 Critical Steps to Be There for a Friend

"What a mistake. I had just been laid off. I called my best friend. All they talked about was when they were laid off. And, get this, they signed off with the offer to 'listen any time.'" 

That's what a client, still reeling from the termination, told me during the tarot reading. Before we could enter the force field of how to mobilize for a job search we first had to cleanse the hurt. 


What positions and packages itself as empathy but really is all about you inflicts deep wounding. You're encountering a human being in their extreme vulnerability, then failing to be fully present for them. Instead, you take the conversational center stage and grab the role of star.

So, how to be there for those you care about? Here are the 7 critical steps:

Have no agenda, no scripting. Enter the situation with no list of must-says. Start the conversation with an appropriate cliche such as "I am so sorry this happened."

Ask questions. That strategy to establish a connection is a fundamental in Dale Carnegie's human-relations classic "How to Make Friends and Influence People."

Allow silence. Often that signals processing is taking place. 

Leverage appropriate facial expressions and body language. Those reinforce the message that you really are aware of their pain.

Make offer of help explicit and concrete. For example, you can indicate a resume expert owes you a big favor and they will handle that part of the job search. 

Ask what that person will be doing for the rest of the day or evening. That 1) messages that you have confidence they can carry on and 2) shifts realities into the present. 

Get permission to follow up. They might want you to back off for the time being. If not, promise that you won't be intrusive.

In crisis - and there are plenty of them currently- human beings need connection. Not self-absorbed intrusion.

Success starts from the inside.

Tarot Readings. Intuitive Coaching. Mediumship.

Remote and in-person. Sliding Scale Fees

For complimentary consultation please contact Jane Genova at 203-468-8579 or janegenova374@gmail.com. Remote, In-Person

 


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