Consensual Non-Monogamy - Should More Married Partners Negotiate That Arrangement?

 

Time Magazine is playing it safe. It focuses on consensual non-monogamy in terms of singles. It notes that according to the 2024 report by Match Singles in America, both parties in a number of legally unattached relationships (read that "not married") are going for it. The term for such an arrangement is “polygamy.”

We tarot readers are not in such safe territory. We already encounter the issue with the married. 

More and more of our married clients come to us to sort out non-monogamy. The usual situation is this: Overall the relationship is good, and the spouse (male or female) remains residing with the married partner. However, one or both had some side action going on. Should that be acceptable behavior? Even if both are engaged in polygamy there can still be the kinds of tensions which can destroy the marriage. 

What is emerging even in this nation with a puritanical background is that absolute monogamy in marriage can be an unbearable constraint. If polygamy is embraced the marriage might survive – and even be happier. Divorce is usually soul-wrenching and expensive. In addition, it could have negative impacts on children. 

Those watching the series streaming on Hulu “Feud: Capote vs The Swans” might wonder if Babe Paley would not have suffered so much if she and Bill had negotiated polygamy for both of them. Neither seemed to want to divorce. 

A more recent hypothetical is this: Could Apollo co-founder Leon Black have prevented lots of the legal drama, which further damaged his reputation after the Epstein fallout, if he and his wife Debra had a polygamy arrangement? That could have meant there was no need to keep the relationship with Guzel Ganieva confidential. It was that stealth aspect which figured into triggering both Ganieva and Black tossing legal grenades. The media ran with sensationalistic headlines. 

Why polygamy might have panned out is because Black is a sophisticated guy. Photo-ops indicate that he and his wife Debra are still together post-disclosure of the Ganieva affair. That might reinforce the idea that a marriage can absorb polygamy, even after-the-fact.

Of course, even though the side action is “permitted,” it's wise to be discreet. Essentially clients “hurt” by the other involvements feel humiliated. It’s all out there too much in the open.

Time Magazine points out in some societies monogamy was an advantage, in others not. Given current longevity it might become an impossibility. To protect the union couples might discuss the issue at the get-go before actually making things legal. That could be folded into the pre-nup.

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