Smile Less - The Very UnAmerican Way to Signal Self-Confidence

 


Over and over again in Tarot sessions the issue comes up: How can employees and entrepreneurs be more self-confident?

One shortcut I hand out: Smile Less.  

Instantly that transmits the message that you are to be taken seriously. 

Think about it: During your last job interview, performance review or pitch for funding did those with the power smile a lot? Of course not. Power gives "permission" not to smile as much as usual in America. The Atlantic has a brilliant article on how the American signature is that we smile a lot. 

Of course excessive smiling undercuts our presence. A sincere smile at the beginning of an interaction signals the intention to be on common ground. Then, the person defining the situation - that is, the holder of the balance of power - adopts an expression of great gravitas. Now and then throughout the interaction we, of course, are expected to produce a smile. That signals our subordinate position. Smiling is code for conformity. 

Here's how it goes: Since even the powerful want to fit in with the American ethos of smiling, their official profiles will usually include a smile. 

Check out Laura Ellsworth at law firm Jones Day She is partner-in-charge of global service initiatives. Flashed is a full-tooth smile. Females-in-charge who don't own a smile could be saddled with  the "B" word. 

Also check out chair of law firm Paul,Weiss Brad Karp. Although a male - much of professional services remains a man's world - Karp shows teeth. 

At quite successful Pepsico, on the leadership page everyone is smiling, with teeth visible.

Interestingly at Bank of America, yes, everyone is smiling but there are some photos without teeth showing. Those include the top guy Brian Moynihan. Would a smart female leader risk not giving some teeth?

Therefore, you must smile. In fact, during second wave feminism those who hammered that we women shouldn't smile at all were naive. The smile, including a full-set of very white teeth, is the price of entry into everything from a good job to finding a romantic partner. 

But, you will be treated as less-then if you do not manage smiling as you would any other communications tool. Less lets the world know you are in control. 

Tarot Card Reader. Medium. Intuitive Career Coach.

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