Please, Not So Intense - Save Your Career, Your Relationships, and Life Itself

In his 2023 bestseller on how to get unstuck - "Anatomy of a Breakthrough" - Adam Alter patiently explains why intensity is undermining just about everything which matters to you. Of course, he anticipates you won't believe it. In the Chapter Exhale he reads your mind:

"If you don't love the hustle, if you aren't working a hundred hours a week; if you don't eat, breathe, and sleep triumph, you are destined for the minor leagues. If you don't want to get stuck, don't stop moving. In fact, don't slow down, because slowing down is stagnation's cousin."

Then Alter focuses the chapter into persuading you on the importance of, well, not being so intense. Such a mindset and pacing can trigger lousy decision-making, lack of emotional control and, yes, getting stuck. 

Come on, you have to agree that the current form of getting stuck is burnout as well as damaged relationships and health problems including obesity and problem drinking. It might appear that the "gunners" in organizations are the ones who get to the top. But, that is often an illusion. All too often their inability to connect on a human level knocks them out of the box - if not early in their career than through some politically dumb, inappropriate or downright illegal behavior when near or at the top. 

Just this morning I delivered the same message to a middle-aged newbie entrepreneur. They were in a rush. Since I specialize in careers I knew the learning curve would be steep. Ironically they could accelerate it if they slowed down, if they were less intense. 

In that Tarot reading the card which came up was Temperance. That's about balance. Sure, do it. But with careful risk calculation, strategy, timing and plenty of belief in yourself. Unfortunate for them, the majority of gunners believe in external markers, not themselves. They chase what's outside, while their insides atrophy. Mistakes, too many, are made. 

Boomers and members of Generation X will recall the relaxed ethos of US President Ronald Reagan. He did get lots accomplished. He preserved the love of wife Nancy. And he had what it took to bounce back from an assassination attempt. His mindset was innate abundance. Unlike gunners he didn't position himself in an environment of scarcity.

Along the way Reagan made it his business to take a daily pause. We heard about his naps. His critics lambasted him for that. How shortsighted. It's via that brief time-out that smart professionals create two totally-there workdays out of what would have only been one work day that peters out early afternoon.

Did Bernie Sanders never make it all the way politically because he was so intense? It crossed the line from noble passion to wearing us out. 

And are the current CEOs under attack, ranging from Disney's Bob Iger to Goldman Sachs' David Solomon, too intense in their attempt to defend their strategies? That dings trust. 

Also, one-time master of the universe and protector of culture Leon Black has embraced intense legal machinations. Had he exhaled amid all the bad press about his association with Jeffrey Epstein and a Russian mistress he might have had a solid shot at reputation restoration. 

A billionaire, Black could have hired the best public relations agency to help him tell his story, from a variety of angles. To this day the focus is stuck on legalities, not the human being that Black is. His "Rosebud" moment could have been his father's suicide when Leon was in business school. Had we come to understand that we might be more open to letting him back in. Just like that iconic commercial about wanting to give the world a Coca-Cola I wish I could give Black a Tarot reading.

Your necessary mantra: "Time is on my side because I am on my side." Light a small white candle, stare into the flame and repeat that three times three times a day. Continue until self-love floods over you. No need to be a gunner. 

Tarot Card Reader. Intuitive Career Coach. Spiritual Guide

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