Be Gentle with Yourself - The Radical Teachings of Pema Chodron, The Tarot, and Effective Mentors

No, don't beat yourself up.

If you want to change, honor where you are right now. 

Start there.

Essentially that was the message American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron introduced in her youth. It caught fire.

CHASING PERFECTION

At age 86, Chodron is still reaching out with that message to those locked into a lack of self-acceptance. Of course, given America's Puritan background, it takes time for Chodron’s message of being gentle with ourselves to sink in. Actually most of us need “permission” to embrace ourselves as we are – then go on from there.

After all, our nation's founding fathers told us we must be perfect.

In contrast, it was William Shakespeare who showcased in his dramas that human perfection was impossible. Only one part of us can be angels. That other part is pretty grim.

Shakespeare put it this way: We human beings are “cankered in the grain.” 

Roman Catholicism labels that flawed state “original sin.” 

Alcoholics Anonymous classifies it as "character defects."

But the journey toward self-acceptance of us as humans is rocky.

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF

Last night at the Shambhala Buddhist Center, Tulsa, OK, the guide kicked off our two sessions of sitting and one of walking meditation with the meme: Be gentle with yourself. Obviously the reason she had to bring that up is that we tend to not be gentle with ourselves.

In addition, every Wednesday at that Shambhala Center there is a Zoom meditation session, open to all. Scheduled monthly there are come-get-to-know-us free events. Check the calendar.

NEEDING "PERMISSION" FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING THE SELF

The cards of the mystical Tarot also release "permission" to change, grow, and heal at your own pace. For example, the first card of the major arcana - The Fool - helps reset your consciousness to embrace all parts of yourself. Also, it hammers: There's no one way to be. That mindset of radical self-acceptance is the bridge to the future, including assessing and taking risks. 

In April 2021, establishment The New York Times saluted the Tarot as a tool for introspection and moving toward self-awareness. 

That same year spiritual teacher Jessica Dore published the seminal guide "Tarot for Change: Using the Cards to Self-Care, Acceptance, and Growth." Here you can order it from Amazon.

And here is my article how you can conduct your own Tarot readings. 

THE EXTREME GENEROSITY OF MENTORING

In addition to Buddhist teachings and the Tarot, of course, there are myriad other paths to evolving into the person and professional we envision we can be. One is being blessed by the universe with the right mentor.

In my doctoral studies that force field had been created by the late Professor Walter Clark. On Sunday afternoons, even amid arctic blasts, we walked. We talked. He was never impatient. That was even though a more pragmatic use of his time would have researching for publication. That was the Ivy League. 

Much more recently mentoring came from an unusual source: Big Law firm Paul Weiss. No, I am not a lawyer. Now and then I had done some contract assignments for Paul Weiss, though. Also as an intuitive career coach I extract lessons from Paul Weiss' strategies as featured snippets for my clients. 

Over a two-year timeframe, the chairperson at Paul Weiss Brad Karp conjured up the ultimate gentle nudges. 

Let's cut to the chase: I was able to struggle out of a professional dark hole. I also got over aging. About the latter: I shifted to: So, I am an older professional. Miraculously, I ditched the preoccupation with aging that does in so many over-50 professionals. Recently I won an award from Media Dimensions for a podcast interview on transcending aging to land, hold, and move on to better work.

As with Professor Clark, Karp's outreach also entailed extreme generosity. Karp oversees about 1,000 lawyers. He also continues to practice law, both through arbitration and defense work. He is on the front lines of social justice.

Why then did Karp parachute into mentoring and not only with me? Media documents how many in a broad range of sectors he has nudged. 

My hunch: Perhaps he is passing on what he had gained from being mentored by brandname partners when he started out at Paul Weiss. SuperLawyers tells that amazing story of legal geniuses swooping down to train his mind - and heart.

THAT COMMITTEE IN YOUR HEAD

Given how effective being gentle with ourselves can be, why then does that committee in the head which torments humans about their mistakes and confusion frequently have the upper hand? 

LISTEN TO THE SILENCEE

That's the American default from Puritan days. Unfortunately. But it can be silenced. Listen to that silence. Post-Shambhala meditation last evening, not a peep out of the committee.

Tarot Card Reader. Medium. Intuitive Career Coach.

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