Setback, Even Disgrace: Don't Hide and Here's Why That's the Worse Thing to Do

 It "feels" counterintuitive. That is not "hiding. 

You experience the unexpected in your work life. It's negative. Maybe it's even career-threatening. The appropriate thing to do seems to be vanishing for a while. The classic example is the terminated C-Suiter who takes refuge in their Hampton getaway, away from the media, gossipy former colleagues and the hecklers back in Manhattan.

Well, the odds for a solid professional next are strong for former chair of Paul, Weiss Brad Karp. That's partly because he's not hiding. 

This weekend Karp was at the Super Bowl. 

Click on his Paul, Weiss website profile and all his contact information is still there: V-card, phone number, email and more. 

Those I communicate with who have been in touch with him tell me he responds promptly. No radio silence.

Oh, I understand the compulsion to fold into yourself, like an abused dog.

"I want to just die." That's what tarot-reading clients tell me after a reversal of fortune. And not only in careers. Often it's in romance.

That is supposed to justify their withdrawing from society. 

Why that is exactly the wrong thing to do is, as famed poet Sylvia Plath put it in the novel "The Bell Jar," you trap yourself in a force field of your own bad air. There's no opening to gain access to anything, ranging from strategies about moving forward to receiving concrete help. Meanwhile, the isolation could kick off clinical depression.

A client had the devastating experience of her fiance and boss for a startup being arrested for fraud. Actually, most of the story he had told her about himself was deception. She let her close girlfriends in, paid for breast enlargement/hair restyling and got a plum job in professional services. No, the trauma isn't healed. I don't believe it ever is. We create new space to shift into when the memory re-emerges. But she had grabbed onto a fresh start.

Takeaway: You have 24 hours in private to lick your wounds, beat yourself up for getting into that pickle and simultaneously blame everyone/everything. Then get back into a life.

Finding your way in confusing times starts from the inside.

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