Are They Gunning for You? - "Doing a Summers"

We live in a society. The tarot, which The New York Times salutes for delivering self-awareness, is really about how you conduct yourself with others. 

A major card is The Lovers. 

The Lovers' card is about relationships. Not necessarily about romance. The story it depicts focuses on the difficulty of your social encounters. Note the two human beings are reaching toward each other. But they aren't connected. On the left is the snake, all-too-eager to introduce trouble. The water, symbolizing emotion, is turbulent.

No surprise then, figuring out how to be likable is key to navigating your social systems. That puts you in a position of strength. In "The Power Game," Hedrick Smith actually classifies likability as a source of power.

Not being likable can preprogram you to be a target. Just consider the Epstein scandal. Some who were in his orbit like the very likable Bill Clinton haven't been crucified. The "they" weren't gunning for him, at least not on this issue.

In contrast is the very unlikable because of his arrogance and bluntness Larry Summers. The latest on that: The American Economic Association has banned him for life. Essentially in a very short time after the emails disclosed how crude and self-involved he is he has lost it all. 

How to open yourself to become more likable?

Put yourself in others' shoes. Conjure up what might be going on inside them. If they're being eaten alive by joblessness what would be the empathetic thing to do? Or maybe not do, like keeping your distance, giving them space. 

Also observe those who are known to have high social intelligence. What traits can you graft smoothly onto your own persona? 

At elite law firm Paul, Weiss the man known for "charm and calm" - Brad Karp - was voted in by the partners to be chair at age 48. Yeah, a wow. When I was in transition from a career path in which I could be totally introverted to one client-facing I studied him. Every step of the way I asked myself: How would Brad Karp handle this social situation?

In addition, identify negative role models. There's a saying: If you can spot it, you got it. Recognize that your dislike, for example, of Jill Biden might be that you both come across as overly ambition. How can you tone that down? Does Prince Harry get on your nerves? Could be that you're also too obviously needy. That sucks energy out of the group.

And, fourth, reward yourself for positive modifications. Even more importantly, forgive yourself for lapses into what might be called "Doing a Summers." Three steps forward, one backward.

Finding your way in confusing times starts from the inside.

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