Your Codependency May Be Temporary - Stress Can Push You into Strange Attachments

 "It was after my divorce. I had moved from North Carolina to Pennsylvania. There I bumped into a college acquaintance. We hadn't been close when we were young. Now I realize that I shouldn't have been close with her then. She was toxic."

That's what a middle-aged woman shared with me during a Tarot card reading. The Eight of Cups had come up. That's known for delivering The Walking Away message.

Yes, the client had walked away from that brief brush with the past. But she was worried that it could happen again. No, she didn't think she had been the codependent type who forms weird attachments and grabs onto them like a crucifix. However, now single she was concerned she could be a sitting duck for that sort of syndrome.

Insight about those types of dynamics is right in the seminal guide about relationships "The Developing Mind." The author is researcher Daniel J. Siegel MD. In the chapter on attachment and the shaping of the self he documents that stress can trigger the flight to what is anticipated will be a source of insight, comfort, and safety. 

What I have experienced in doing Tarot readings is that in most cases when the crisis such as transition is over so is that need to take refuge in another person. 

So, I reassured the woman that essentially she was okay. No, I didn't recommend attending Codependency Anonymous meetings. Once she had established the person she was becoming she could and probably would blossom. After all, she had been in-touch enough to exit what was such a lousy fit.

A takeaway? Instead of walking away, walk toward. That gives us direction, reducing the need for urgent attachment.

Tarot Card Reader. Medium. Intuitive Career Coach.

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